Seasons

I like winter and voluntarily moved back from California to the east coast.

I love winter. There, I said it. I promise this is not cope. I lived in California for four years, enjoyed Januaries of 65 degrees and sunny, and made the consensual decision to move back to the east coast.

I grew up in Philadelphia. February has always been a special month for me. Summer has always felt a bit weird.

In high school, February was the month Mock Trial and DECA got serious. My big competitions. States. It got dark early. There wasn’t much fomo. Fewer parties to not be invited to. In college, it was February 2020 where I wrote my first business plan for Footprint. It was February 2022 when we raised our seed round. And February 2024 when we did our Series A.

I joked that in a messed up mercantilist way, people got seasonal depression in winter and euphoria in the summer. Given that neither of these permeated my emotions, I chose to reclaim the narrative with my own path.

Summer to a younger Eli represented a time “others were ahead.” They were having fun. They were enjoying the moment.

I’m not proud of that. But it’s how I felt.

Winter was a time I “was getting ahead”. Putting in the work to have fun many summers from now. Building the thing that would let me enjoy the moment many summers now.

Young Eli is easier to explain. He was keeping (imaginary) score. His goals were easy to explain. He was a bit petty and a bit more vengeful to those not keeping imaginary score.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve stopped keeping score. As I got healthier, I also started enjoying the moment today.

But I still love winter. Maybe it’s because of the imperfection. The romantic notion of putting on a jacket and walking through the snow. Maybe it’s the flurries of nostalgia. I remember walking through NYC during past fundraises on cold nights. It feels right.

Or maybe it’s because I like the invitation to change. And then the ability to return. I think I wear a few masks. I still greet young Eli at times. Full of unrelenting ambition. Full of unimaginable confidence. Unable to consider a path where things won’t work out. Because I control that. And I simply would not let that happen, no longer how long it takes.

And I’ve also come to love summer. It was different. Uncomfortable at first. The calm. The permission to be present. A drink with a friend when the sun is still out at 8 PM. The splash of water. The humidity. There is something nice about everyone being happy. About everyone enjoying these months. knowing what awaits us a few months from now. Not letting that get in the way of the now, though.

And I greet Eli who lives in the moment. Who enjoys a meal with a friend on a weeknight as a fun luxury. Who knows happiness is not a milestone. Let alone a feeling that any milestone can bring. Happiness is the present. It’s small things. It’s universal.

I still appreciate winter. I’ve just come to understand why everyone loves summer. I wish young Eli appreciated summer more. And I bet it would do people more good to enjoy winter.

I used to want those mindsets to converge. I now think it’s best they’re left to their own devices. They come together in their own way. Because I can move between them with more haste than the seasons may change.

There is something I appreciate about being able to have those different places in my mind to travel.

Summer sunsets hit different because of the days it got dark at 5. I like seasons.